Between life and death by lulu-illussions, literature
Literature
Between life and death
again and again on my knees
broken by those who should help me stand
not sad nor happy in this life
forgotten
fallen
and getting up
again
again and again
every time
after every fall
more determined to keep standing
more desperate to avoid another
fall
depression doesn´t hurt
it´s beyond limits of sadness
beyond any other feeling known by mam
why?
being alive is too hard
there are easier ways around
why to stand up after fall?
standing
stubbornly holding on worthless things
patiently crying when no one hears
broken pieces glued together
by what?
life
effort testing limits of strength
buying time to find mor
dear god,
i planted no tulips in autumn
and no tulips came in spring.
how silly of me, then
to mourn the empty garden,
to long for fields of amsterdam,
to kneel at night in cold dirt,
hands folded.
i’ve learned there is
a certain ache in lacking
a thing never had, that small itch
whose relief is two seasons past –
so god, if you can hear me,
know that i am homesick
for amsterdam,
whose name, like yours, i know
but whose flowers i cannot see.